Advice: Hey Fat Chick!

Title: Hey Fat Chick
Date(s) of creation: October, 1994
Creator / author / publisher: FaT GiRL
Physical description: Zine page printed in black and white.
Reference #: FG1-013-FatChick
Links: [ PDF ]

From FaT GiRL #1, October, 1994

Text:

Hey You! Yeah you! 

Got a burning question on your mind? Want to know the latest in Fat Girl etiquette? 

Advice for the lovelorn? 

Perhaps you have a thing or two to tell Fat Chick! 

What are you waiting for? Write Fat Chick c/ o Fat Girl. 

Hey Fat Chick: 

I have a thin lover who’s gorgeous, smart and very outgoing, while I’m really big and really shy. I have no doubt that she loves me and is “into” me sexually, but these thin glamour-girls are always throwing themselves all over her-and sometimes they’re not very subtle about it. Some are even snide and rude to me. I end up feeling ugly, worthless and invisible, even though my gf wants to be monogamous and does nothing to encourage them, and she and I otherwise have (had?) a great sex life. I can’t help it, it’s really affecting me. I’m starting to feel inadequate and unsexy of most the time now, no matter what she does, which I know is frustrating to her, too. 

What to do? 

Signed, 

The Invisible Blob 

Dear Invisible:

Girl, it’s obvious you have something those catty glam-girls don’t. My advice to you? … FLAUNT IT. 

Now, I’m not suggesting stooping to their level or anything. But low-lives should stay low. If they have the nerve to act as though you don’t exist 

(or feel “sorry” for your “poor” girlfriend, so encumbered is she with a fat girlfriend), feel more than free to rub their faces in the fact that you’ re enjoying her attraction to you every little bit, while THEY AIN’T GETTIN’ IT. It would probably help to drop the unsubtle hint that they’ re making sorry fools of themselves. You know, where you (and or your lover} distastefully glance over the aforementioned full-of-themselves glam-girls with that sad, knowing look that says: 

“My god, look how pathetic she is … this is too painful to watch.” 

PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) between the two of you can only help to remind these intrusive women that: 

1) your lover is too BUSY to notice them since she is quite excited to have her tongue in your mouth,

2) you obviously have something very appealing to said gf that they’re missing.

And by this, I mean more than a butt you can grip with both hands.

You are great and beautiful. Revel in their pathos. Feel sorry for them. Have mercy. Above all, leave them out of the bedroom and let your girlfriend get back to the business at hand! 

FAT CHICK

[Image Description: A black and white drawing of a head with snakes for hair, and angry expression with furrowed eyebrows, eyes wide open, and an open mouth as if screaming.]