Stories: Lies I Choose Not to Believe

Title:  Lies I Choose Not to Believe
Date(s) of creation:  February, 1995
Creator / author / publisher:  Oso, Fish, FaT GiRL
Physical description:  Zine pages with 2 paragraphs of text and a large illustration.
Reference #:  FG2-007-Lies
Links: [ PDF ]

Lies I Choose Not to Believe

From FaT GiRL #2, February, 1995

By Oso

My grandfather always said everybody loves a fat man but nobody loves a fat woman. Even as a young child I remember his taunts: fatty–little pig–fatso. These words came at me from one of the biggest men I had ever seen. His great big belly/strong arms/suave smile. He was a smooth-talking big fat ladies’ man and I wanted to be just like him. I loved his round cheeks that smelled of after shave. I loved the way his white t-shirts hugged his big belly, his pants low, so even more white t-shirt could be seen and felt. He looked good and he knew it. He strolled down the street with a confidence that said everybody knew it. I wanted all of that to also be mine. But despite my white t-shirts hugging my belly with pants worn low and a walk of sheer confidence, he still did not like this lady-killer look on his 10-year-old granddaughter. What was it? I thought. Why is he so disapproving? Are my pants not low enough, my stomach not big enough? No, it is that my balls are not big enough. It is that I am not a big boy proud of my size and strength.

Every once in a while I think of my grandfather and all his unsettling words of what he thought was wisdom, and I know now as I knew then that he was wrong. Plenty of people have loved and lusted this Fat Girl.

[Image description: ink drawing of a fat child, belly visible between the bottom of their t-shirt and the top of their jeans, standing with the back of one hand resting on their hip, the other hanging down at their side. Behind the child, the shadow of an adult with a beard and mustache looms large, in the same pose and outfit as the child. Near the bottom is the artist’s signature: Fish ‘94.]