Recipes from the Kitchen Slut

Title (as given to the record by the creator): Recipes from the Kitchen Slut
Date(s) of creation: Issue 2: February 1995
Creator / author / publisher: The Kitchen Slut Bertha, Laura Johnston, FaT GiRL
Physical description: This three-page spread includes a mix of photographs, typed text, handwriting, and a lip print. Black and white scan from a zine.
Reference #: FG2-020-022-Kitchen Slut
Links: [ PDF ]

Recipes from the Kitchen Slut

Our Kitchen Slut Bertha, photographed by Laura Johnston

Image 1: a black and white photo of black stilettos in a mixing bowl on the stove
Image 2: a black and white photo of Bertha the Kitchen Slut at the farmer’s market. Bertha is a 30-something, fat, white femme with dark curly hair and a spicy attitude. She looks directly at the camera through her dark sunglasses. She holds her hand up to her lips which are pursed around something unidentifiable but delicious.
Image 3: a black and white photo of Bertha. Looking sexy in her mini dress, she leans over a pile of zucchinis. Bertha holds a big zucchini in her hand, towards her mouth. Her head is turned to look at the camera, her mouth is open.

Hi,

Fat girl needed a recipe column and since my favorite things in life are food and sex, I volunteered!

The recipe for this issue is a fabulous dish – yes, I’m talking about food! (So far, anyway…). It’s a vegetable bread pudding that is absolutely delicious; I made a pan for my household that was devoured in 15 minutes!

The farmers market was lots of fun. Everyone was nice and we only got a few stares (doesn’t everyone go to the market in fishnets and a mini at 8 am on a Saturday?)

The adventure begins at the Embarcadero Farmers’ Market where we (the divine Laura is taking these photos) sampled the wares and checked the veggies for freshness, especially the zucchini and eggplant, even though this particular dish doesn’t call for eggplant!

Image 4: a black and white photo of Bertha the Kitchen Slut posing beside a produce stand full of melons. She holds a huge zucchini and some carrots in her hands. She wears a low cut black mini dress, and her right thumb is tucked into her cleavage. Her mouth is open.
Image 5: a black and white photo of Bertha the Kitchen Slut at home. She smiles while sitting at the kitchen table, right leg crossed over left, cup of coffee in hand. She’s dressed in frilly white lingerie and apron; her black fishnet stockings sit mid-thigh; her black stilettos are shiny.

When we had everything together we headed back to the kitchen to prepare the dish.

First I had to change into my apron (this one is really versatile, it goes from the kitchen to the bedroom in 2.5 seconds, and what easy access…) and have a cup of coffee (my third, but who’s counting?!)

So here’s the recipe:

Veggie Bread Pudding

For two to six servings:

olive oil
1 medium onion diced
fresh herbs; oregano, basil, sage, dill, or your favourites
8 oz. mushrooms chopped
2 zucchini diced
2 red bell peppers diced
3 stalks of celery diced
(or you can use your favorite veggies)
salt & pepper

Pudding:

2 cups cream (or milk or half & half)
4 eggs beaten
2 tbs. chives
salt & pepper
5 cups bread cubes — remove crusts (I use rosemary focaccia…yum!)
1 cup grated dry cheese, parmesan, romano, dry jack, provolone, etc.
1 tbs. butter

Preheat oven at 375°.

Warm about 6 tbs olive oil in a large skillet. Begin cooking onion, then add finely chopped herbs and cook for 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Stir in veggies; cook another 15 minutes. Remove from heat, salt & pepper to taste.

Prepare pudding:

Whisk cream into eggs, season with salt & chives (dill is good too!) Set aside.

Butter a large rectangular baking dish (or two square ones). Arrange bread cubes on the bottom. Spoon veggies on top, sprinkle on 3/4 of cheese. Pour the custard over all. Sprinkle the rest of the cheese on top.

Cover and bake 25 – 30 minutes, then remove the cover and bake till custard is set (approx. 15 min.) Allowed to cool…

Serve and enjoy!

Image 6: a black and white photo of Bertha the Kitchen Slut in the kitchen. She stands at the stove wearing a frilly white apron and black lace garter belt which frames her ass and thighs nicely. She grips a big zucchini with both hands and brings it to her puckered lips for a kiss.
[Image 6 caption] Ooh, I like this zucchini… maybe I’ll keep it? No… okay… I’ll chop it up… Bobbit that zuke!
Image 7: a black and white photo of Bertha the Kitchen Slut. Dressed in a frilly white apron, cleavage out, and dark oven mitts, she smiles and holds the prepared Veggie Bread Pudding in a hot casserole dish.
[Image 7 caption]
If you enjoyed this dish as much as I do, let me know. Send all comments, praise only, and dating inquiries to Kitchen Slut.
Image 8: a black and white photograph of Bertha chopping vegetables in the kitchen. She wears a frilly white lingerie-like apron, a black lace garter belt, and black fishnet stockings.
Image 9: the Kitchen Slut’s lip print on paper.

Love the Kitchen Slut Bertha.

Recipes from the Kitchen Slut